Posted: July 31, 2014 in Uncategorized

transformation definition

I haven’t been feeling like myself all morning. I really should not have eaten that chocolate cheesecake…or those chocolate eclairs…or all that burfee, I think horrified. What was I thinking yesterday? I wonder. I had been running around all weekend with Husna trying to get the parcels ready for Sauliha’s ‘fixing’ that I hadn’t eaten a proper meal until tea yesterday with Sauliha’s future inlaws.

The constant ringing phone is not helping my upset tummy and I have redirected all my calls to Dilshaad. Poor Dilshaad seems to be running around like a chicken without a head… but with an ever increasing waistline. Actually, as I watch her through my office door, she looks more like she is waddling along, rather than running – her swollen tummy leading her in every direction. I laugh at the comedy of it and then scold myself as it brings on that awful feeling of fresh cream, burfee and pastry rolling around in my tummy. I decide to put my head down momentarily.

“Farnaz” I hear Dilshaad whisper gently. I tip my head up. Dilshaad sees me and walks in, then lowers herself on the chair opposite my desk. She puts a mug of green tea in front of me. I straighten up slowly, thankful that my tummy seems to be obeying my command.

“How are you feeling” she asks. “Much better”, I reply followed by a quick “Thank you” as I sip the green tea. I don’t know if it is the tea or my short nap that has done the trick. I am really feeling absolutely fine. “I think that nap really helped me. It was probably lack of sleep and too much rich food yesterday”, I explain.

“You seem much better now”, she says noticeably relieved. “When you just got here this morning, you looked as though you were going to throw up” she said clearly shocked by my state.

I laughed. “That’s what happens after too much Mithi Morro” I say fondly remembering that’s what my mother used to call the tradition of feeding sweet meats to the soon to be bride. That is not usually the word I would have used and Dishaad knows that. She chuckles and the return of my sense of humour is the confirmation that my tummy ache has passed.

“How was Sauliha’s fixing?” she asks curiously.

“Actually it turned into an engagement and we fixed the date for the wedding already” I say still not believing how things had rolled along.

“Masha Allah” , Dilshaad said. “I knew Fehmida would have preferred it that way.”

Dilshaad and Fehmeda, despite their difference in age are really good friends. In fact it was my sister in law Fehmida that suggested I hire Dilshaad three years ago, and looking back, that was really the best thing I could have done for my business.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. I must have dozed for nearly 30 minutes. Dilshaad notices and offers, “you don’t have a busy day today, just some paper work”.

This I know. It’s the thing that happens after the paper work that I’m worried about. I haven’t told Dilshaad about my last doctor’s appointment and my recent follow ups. Call it superstition or just caution, Hussain and I decided not to say anything to the family either. Besides there really isn’t anything to say.

“oh, I nearly forgot” Dilshaad says quickly. “Zaheera called earlier. The mix up with the Vally’s title deeds…er, She said that she is going to try to sort it out…She said she will pay the extra stamp duty involved. She said to tell you that she is really sorry”, Dilshaad looked a little uncomfortable relating the message to me.

I could feel my blood start to boil. That woman goes on holiday and completely messes up my documents. Submits the wrong names on the title deeds. Really if it hadn’t been for Dilshaad double checking the documents before we handed it to the client…oooh!!

I take a breath, “I’m glad I didn’t speak to her, I would have lost my temper” I say my voice already rising. “I’m just thankful that The Vally’s did not seemed concerned when I called about the delay last week”, I said. There must be something occupying their time, I think.

Dilshaad gets up and starts to walk out of my office. “Bring me the rental contracts and tenants profiles for the office blocks” I instruct her. “OK” she says without looking back.

Alone in my office I wonder what awaits me in a few hours time. The results of my blood test today could actually be the deciding factor for the rest of my life. For the first time in a long time though, I am not anxious about it. Allah tests the ones he loves the most – Hasina told me that. Since then, I think about that, and her, everyday. I have played our conversation in my head over and over. She said I will be a good mother. I hope I get to try. Just let go, Farnaz, I say to myself. Allah has a plan and His plan is the best plan.

sick at work



  1. shabeeha says:

    I hope everyone has had a satisfying Ramadaan and a lovely Eid. Thank you for being so patient. I will try to resume posting everyday. Please continue to share your thoughts with me. Enjoy. S.

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