CHAPTER 18 (continued)

Posted: July 21, 2014 in Uncategorized
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transformation definition

She seems to like it. I feel self conscious. Letting someone see your drawing is like having them see a small secret part of yourself. Only my mother saw many of my sketches, and then there were some that I didn’t even show her. I have some sketches framed on the wall at home, but only Yusuf knows they are mine. My hand trembles a bit as she asks to have a closer look, and I reluctantly hand it to her. She probably doesn’t know her Pablo from her Vincent, I think convincing myself that her opinion doesn’t matter.

She looks at it for a while examining it more closely than I expected. I hold me breath, and then I scold myself, she isn’t a critic. I wonder what my mother would say if she looked at this today. How I wished she could. My thoughts drift to the e mail again. I don’t know what to do, and I make a silent prayer for the decision to be an easy one.

When she finally speaks, it is not what I expected to hear. Most people would say , ‘its nice’. Or ‘its good’. But she doesn’t talk about the picture she speaks of its composition and elements. When she explains that she did drawing courses at University , I am impressed. She doesn’t mean it boastfully but as a compliment and as I listen to her, I hear my mother’s words coming out of her mouth. It surprises me how much she seems just like her. I hadn’t seen the similarity before. But now, here, I see her strength and confidence, paired with the echo of my mothers voice…it is uncanny.

“It has so much depth” she says, and the admiration in the voice is unmistakable. She knows what she is talking about, and she really thinks it is good! I can’t believe it. An overwhelming sense of pride builds up in me. Could I really still have a chance?

I look back at Farnaz and she looks different. She isn’t the cold iron woman I thought she was. Once more I am glad that I came today. slowly a smile creeps onto my face and I even start to enjoy myself.

I begin to get involved in the conversation, as it shifts to pregnancy I am finally at ease again. I begin to contribute to the conversation and even start some of my own. When Zaheera announces her pregnancy I am already sucked into the group. I can’t believe she is pregnant. She is so small I wonder if her womb is detachable, and she left it at home. When I mention how huge I was when I was pregnant I notice that the topic is making farnaz self conscious. I know that she doesn’t have children and I thought that was just the choice of a busy business woman. Looking at her now, I think I may have been wrong. My opinion of her softens once more as I imagine my life without my children.

perceptions

 

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