chapter 9 (continued)

Posted: May 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

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CHAPTER 9 (continued)

I drive the kids to school too distracted to even care about the children’s petty fight in the back seat. It feels like a dream. I retrace what happened at the house. Was that drugs? I wonder. Maybe it wasn’t. But what else could it be? No one walks around with a gram of powdered sugar in their pocket. It makes me angry. How could he do this to me? To our family? He promised he would never do it again. What just happened?

My head is swimming with thoughts and I feel like I’m going to drown in all the possibilities. Yes, I love my husband, yes I trust him. But what am I suppose to think. I have two small children to think about. The obvious thing is to confront him. I decide to get home and ask him straight up. But… What if I’m wrong?, I think. What if there is a simple explanation for it? He will think I don’t trust him. He will feel betrayed. I will break his heart. If I accuse him of this, and I’m wrong, how can we just go back to normal after that? I need to think about the situation rationally. I cannot just go in and ask him, he will know what I am thinking. I need the evidence. I must get that packet.

When I get home Yusuf has left for the office already. He doesn’t usually leave so early. That is another bad sign. I go straight to the bedroom and search for the packet of powder. I look everywhere. I turn out the entire walk-in closet.

“Haawu Ma-dam!” Elizabeth says when she sees me on the floor between piles of clothes. “I packed it so nicely”, she says. “I am looking for something”, I respond not even turning to look at her. After our bedroom, I search the bathroom, the study, library and even the kitchen. Every other room of the house. I don’t find anything. He couldn’t have taken it with him, I think. A few hours later and Elizabeth is grumpily cleaning up behind me in the wake of the tornado I leave behind. She mutters under her breath, but I’m not in the mood for her today and just continue. Defeated and tired both mentally and physically I decide to give up and get dressed.

After my shower I stand facing the bathroom mirror. Brushing my teeth I wonder what really happened last night? Where did he really go? Why did he bring THAT into our house. If something was bothering him, why didn’t he talk to me? Was it the stress of moving house? Or something at work, maybe the stock problem he was telling us about? I bend to throw my used piece of floss into the bin and then see it. The small clear plastic packet I saw earlier this morning. Only now… its empty.

 

 

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